Weddings/ the abnomoral blog

What is it about weddings that makes people into such jerks, stress, insanity, insane amounts of money all being thrown out the door just for one day in 8 short hours you can spend as much as a new house costs. So I'm attempting to plan my own wedding now and every time I come up with a solution, it seems there's 10 more barriers standing in my way. It's somewhat about the money, but not all, a lot of my problems are with other people and how they see weddings and what they think they should be, and what they expect. I'm not so sure this is even supposed to be my big day, seems all the trouble comes in when guests are thrown into the mix. Every little detail needs to be addressed, every tradition is supposed to be adhered to.

Maybe I'm just not vain enough, I'm not concerned with out shining anyone in the beauty range, I should hope all my friends are beautiful in some way. Maybe it's been too long since I read a real fairytale, my favorite is after all, the Hans Christian Anderson version of the little mermaid, which of course ends in suicide unlike the Disney version, but it's true and real with a deep message that's why I like it. I guess that entails my views on love too, real- not perfect, not always beautiful, time endearing not instant, something a little more than a best friend and far more than just a passing lover, time filled with respect and mutually enjoyment, understanding of differences, not a false belief that your love is an exact replica of yourself in another's body, or that they should be you at all. I'm trying to figure out where this celebration of Love gets lost in all the giltz and glamor of a wanna be celebrity débutante princess dream, what happens to the sanctity of a promise to with stand all the pressures of society for the betterment of the union between two people, if they can't even choose to unite without yielding to everyone else's wishes of what society has deemed a perfect day.

Maybe it's not my humility, maybe I'm not even that humble? There are certain things I'd like in certian ways, but I'm not so blind as that I don't see what's really important is the Love of the gathering of friends and family and the declaration of the Love between the two that marry. Maybe I'm not so humble at all, maybe trying to avoid the hell I've seen others go through. I've just seen so many weddings where the brides don't look happy at all, nothing perfect enough, they aren't skinny enough, some one did something wrong and the world is going to end, all hail bridezillas ! It's truly enough to turn anyone's stomach to see people so lucky so pampered and yet so dissatisfied, reason enough to have no greater wish than to be happy. The Brides smile, but then you see them turning colors looking around the room for any imperfections, their nerves turn them into fire breathing dragons laying just beneath the extreme layers of caked on makeup, the guests dress so unlike themselves you wouldn't recognize your own best friend were they walking down the street, everyone is upper crust at a wedding, no matter the cost of the wardrobe.

So I know most of the things I want to avoid, first I want to avoid my entire family (they are stress cases) until the wedding of course, I want to avoid my friends looking like upper crust versions of themselves (not hard to do with artist), I want to avoid the competition for the greatest wedding amongst my friends (so long as I'm happy that will make me comparable with at least 2 of my friends weddings), I want to avoid paying as much a college education for just one day of my life (I just can't justify a few hours of pleasure being worth more than my families financial security).

Perhaps your or your friends were one of those smart people that chose to elope or do a destination wedding of just a few close friends, well then you might not know the expenses so let me give you a quick run down. I'll start with the dresses, as you might know wedding dresses (that are intended for weddings) can run you anywhere from $100 dollars to $50,000, but not everyone wares Vera Wang, so let's just go with that low end price 100.00 that of course is just a starting price to get you in the door, then there's the slip 69.99, the corset 69.99, the shoes about 50.00 or more plus the cost of dieing them, then there's the vail 20 to 200.00 dollars, the alterations to the dress the garter the stockings, the hair pieces and crowns plus tax, well as you can see- that simple, cheap little 99.99 dollar can easily run you 600.00 it's the sales persons job to convince you that you need everything else and they show only what they want you to see, as a seamstress and having covered a number of weddings I'll share with you some tips to save on my next blog.

The dress is only the beginning of course and the horrible truth is that the other vendors are worse than even that, mark up isn't just a word used with weddings it's tradition. The prices for a normal catered party with most vendors is about 15 to 20 per a person, the beginning price for a wedding is in the 35.00 range 50.00 being on the low end and for those prices do expect cafeteria food cold and tasteless if you get better than that you just got lucky. A bouquet of flowers for your sweetheart at a local florist usually runs about 20 dollars more or less, but if that is intended to walk down the isle with you, a tight wrap on it costs about 100 dollars more and that's just for one bunch of flowers, try 6 bridesmaids ouch! the one little butonier is 25 starting price, just one flower and most of the work comes in trying to pin it on without hurting your self, unbelievable! ridiculous! absurd, revolting abuse of power. A photo shoot in the studio or engagement pictures is about 200 tops, wedding pictures 600 for the crappy photographer without any knowledge or education of photography as an art form, but don't worry all the vendors come with honey on their lips to sweeten the blow, the new trend for photographers is to claim they do photojournalism (artsy pictures), but it's just a line trust me.

Now while I sit here a bashing all the great institutions of art revolving around weddings, the culinary arts, fashion, floral design, photography etc., I know the other side too, not the bride side the other side, the people and artist that I'm insulting as being over priced and under value. I've made a few wedding dresses, and I've shot some videos, and photography too, in fact I wonder if I'll ever really enjoy a wedding as a normal guest would, you know sit back a relax, no not me unless a friend wished to really make me happy, I'm a bit obsessed because it's such a insane moment of ecstasy once I take a picture I'm determined to take the perfect shot, which never really happens but sometimes I come close. But the vendors point of view is not that which depends on artistic inspiration, it's not the effort of the intellectual challenge of attempting perfection, it's not willingness to please and make the couple happy. Ahh the main objective is usually that of money, even those who start with the will of making wonderful art, usually succumb to the pressures of just doing what needs to be done for the good of the pay check. AND WHEN IT COMES TO CRAZY BRIDES PLEASING IS NOT AN EASY THING! Perfect, perfect perfect, and then comes the spazms, cause their's no one on this planet that truly is perfect, if one's idea of perfection comes from the placement of material items and not the enjoyment of love all forms of love. So a vendor such as a photographer or videograher runs themselves wild shooting every 10 seconds every angle, every detail in the hopes that just a bit of it will please the clients enough to get the referrals for the next job. Then there's so much more even after the wedding is over for the videographer, it means hours of picking a choosing which scenes were the best and what events are most important, this work can take a few days or a few months depending on the skill of the editor and their willingness to produce good work, you do get what you pay for, but I have tricks on this too. The Photography on the other hand can be a simpler thing but not necessarily less costly, editing does take less time with photos then their's the add on's copyright and printing, let's not forget the wedding album and access for the guests. So the costs on these wedding things depends, on a few variables, for starters wedding vendors usally only work during the warm season that's only a third of the year, and of those months most weddings are booked on the weekends, that means for the most part their's only a 18 day summer cycle that can be filled and of this time refferals are still the number one way to get gigs for the vendors, advertizing costs can be pricy and undproductive because everyone's causitos when spending 10,000 of thousands of dollars and every thing adds up. So with the limited number of possible weddings and all the extra work we don't see going into the wedding, the extreme amount of perfection required to please brides and grooms, the vendors competetors rates being sky high, and a huge population willing to go into debt just for a formal affair to brag about, so these extremely high rates are starting to come into perspective now aren't they?
A small cheap wedding averages 10,000 and the average size runs about 30,000 dollars, and many people spend well over 100,000 on that one special 24 hour period.

Venues.. that should be your first consideration if you care at all for good photography or video, the wrong lighting, the wrong decor, the cheap affordable 80's decor venue will set the mood for your gorgeous white dress to look like a thrift store rag, if you want good pictures try to find a place with large windows that aren't permanently covered with drapes, at all costs avoid red carpet, yellow walls, old fashioned long florescent 7-11 bulbs, and most importantly mirrored walls are tacky! Tacky is cool if it's 70's but ask yourself do you really want to look like you did in that picture you have with the high hair and Micheal Jackson button that was 5 inches wide on your wedding day? There are other alternatives, try a park or small BYOB restaurant or simple bed&breakfast, simple can look a whole lot better even if it's not as classy as you might think trust me even with fine china that 80's venue is a monstrosity, and at least the stress of behaving gracefully is also left behind with the ugly decor, and if you try for simple there's a rustic old world romantic charm to it, that's well worth the trade.

The second consideration is traditions, remember when your family and friends first heard you were getting married and how they said oh well it's your big day you do it however you wish too. It really only took a few plans before they started telling how it's going to be or how you should do it, right, ok well maybe that's just my family (as I cower in shame and frustration left compleately sleepless from the agravation of no one being willing to listen to me, and really hear what I've been saying), I'm done really I'm done complaining. I'm hear to say to you yes it really is your day and yes you can make it any way you want on any buget, but it may take a little effort to do so. Traditions aren't half as traditional as you might think, today's bride can be a Pirate or a princess, there's a lot of new trends to trick the vendors and avoid the rediculous costs, now if what your looking for is hand servants and maids in waiting and you can afford these thing and they bring you joy by all means spend your life's savings, I'm sure I have a few good tips for even you the perfect bride, with the perfect life and perfect credit. Some of the new trends I've seen lately are usally combined with cost saving style, such as the cake an average wedding cake can easily run 600 dollars they charge per a person and depending on flavors icing etc., the alternative cup cakes displayed nicely can save you a bundle their not the average desert so score one for the thrifty bride, it also saves on cutting and serving costs which can cost almost as much as the cake it's self at times (please note hidden costs are everywhere). I also love the candy table, which I suppose is an alternative to high priced deserts, it looks great and is a lot of fun with some doggie bags it can double as a party gift souviner and more affordable too.
Don't let anyone give you slack about brides maids and best men, the class roles of the sexes are becoming quite blured, any gender can stand on any side of the bride or groom what's really important is that they are truly important people to you, I've seen quite a bit of switching places in regards to this. Uneven number of grooms men to brides maids not a big deal even a grossly uneven number, no father to give you away try a mother a close friend or walk tall on your own.

The ceremony is what you make of it, one of the most pleasurable ceremonies I've ever seen only lasted 10 minutes, my advice make your officiant aware of what you really want, and remeber you'll be standing most of that time and probally some what nervous as well.
The colors the dress the music when choosing these things think hard what really makes you happy, you can't please everyone and you don't need to try too. A big trend in the market right now one that I personally really love is the bright colored wedding dresses, that's right you don't even have to wear white anymore not even a scrap of it it's all up to you red blue purple.. it doesn't even have to be a wedding dress even if it is white any formal gown dress suite skirt and top that you feel fits the occasion will due. There's a change coming in these short lived traditions, be trend setter step out of the mold be bold, but most importantly do what makes you happy!

Well that's surely well worth my ranting on for a page or two, I do promise I'll try to get back to blogging soon, not sure if anyone's reading but it's easier than video and more precise. Note to self next time I'll right about some of the crafts sewing stained glass design printing work experiments and faliures I've achived in my efforts to explore my own wedding intrests, and it's only right I should share some ways to save money on some of these high cost vendors, what to look for in video, what type of vendor suits you, and some of the more inspirational weddings I've seen.